SUBCONSCIOUS OBJECTIONS: WHY YOU’RE NOT GETTING HELP
Updated: Jul 28, 2019
I had a phone call recently from a woman - let’s call her Julie* - who needed my help with migraines. Julie had been very happily married for several years; this was her first relationship and she’d known her husband since childhood. Two years ago, he died very suddenly. He had been healthy and this was a devastating shock.
Julie had worked through the stages of grief; she had had bereavement counselling and a few months before she contacted me she’d decided to start dating again. She very much wanted a family and felt she was ready to move on with her life. She joined a dating website and arranged to meet a man after chatting online; they had shared interests and life goals and although she was nervous she was very much looking forward to the date.
As she was getting ready to go out that night, she was suddenly overcome by a severe migraine. She had never suffered with migraines before. She cancelled her date and rearranged it for later in the week. In the next three days she had another two migraines, and had to cancel the date again. This pattern continued until the man refused to arrange any more dates. He’d become tired of her excuses and told her it was obvious she wasn’t really interested.
Julie waited a few weeks, and when she hadn’t had a migraine for a while she tried again with someone else. She actually made it to the date this time, and it was going very well, but a migraine came on during dinner and she had to leave.
When she called me she said that she needed to get the migraines under control because she really was ready to meet someone new, and she couldn’t understand why this kept happening. She booked a consultation. On the morning of the appointment, she messaged me saying that she had a migraine and couldn’t come. I offered her an alternative appointment, but I never heard from her again. I wasn’t really surprised.
This happens quite regularly and is not at all unusual.
Assuming that Julie was responsive to the CONTROL System, I could have helped her. Her conscious mind wanted to get rid of the migraines, but her subconscious had an objection. She had never had a migraine in her life, until she set a goal to pursue a new relationship.
The subconscious mind has one purpose: to find the best strategy for the most happiness. While Julie really felt that she was ready to find happiness with a new partner, her subconscious couldn’t allow this to happen. She had had only one experience of a relationship in her life, and although it had been a very happy one it had ended in a devastating and traumatic loss. Her subconscious viewed this as the ultimate result of a relationship and was protecting her from having to go through it again.
This conscious/subconscious conflict is very common. Even if you know you want to make a change, sometimes you just don’t do it and you’re not even sure why. You come up with any number of excuses:
It’s not really affecting my life that much.
I’ll do it after Christmas/New Year/the house move/my daughter’s graduation/the Queen’s birthday.
My mother’s friend’s postman had hypnotherapy and it didn’t work, so it won’t work for me.
It’s a physical illness, not all in my mind. I need tests, scans and pills, not hypnosis.
It’s too expensive.
If I have hypnosis for weight loss I’ll never be able to eat the things I like again.
It’s unlikely to be obvious to you what the real reason is, but if you’ve considered getting help and then changed your mind your subconscious is probably trying to cling to the thought or behaviour pattern for its own reasons.
These reasons won’t necessarily make sense.
Try this. Sit comfortably and think about what you’d like to change. Imagine the ways in which your life would be better if you changed it.
Now imagine your subconscious mind is standing in front of you. Imagine you ask it to change and it says no. Ask it why.
What thought popped into your head?
Was it logical? Did it make sense to you? Does it sound like a good reason?
Maybe you didn’t get an answer. This could be because your subconscious doesn’t even remember why; it just knows that there was a very good reason once, and it’s been repeating the behaviour pattern ever since because it worked the first time.
With the CONTROL System, we work with those objections and negotiate with your subconscious to let them go. If you’re not getting help, and especially if you book an appointment and then get a migraine, stomach bug, or just change your mind, it’s not because you don’t think it’ll work.
It’s because your subconscious is worried that it will.
*Names and some details have been changed.