"CAN SHE REALLY CURE ALL THOSE THINGS?"
Updated: Jul 28, 2019
When I first launched this website, I was excited by all the hits it got in the first few days. That is, until I realised that they weren’t potential clients but were actually all my mum, showing it to everyone she ran into. Bless her. I may be 50, but she’s as proud of my recent achievements as she was of my first school report.
One thing she said stood out, though. She said her friends asked, “Can she really cure all those different things?” This was, of course, referring to the list of issues I claim that CONTROL can help with. I can see their point: I am not a doctor or a therapist but it looks like I have the answer to everything from nail biting to addiction.
How is this possible?
Everyone has heard of hypnotherapy, but the CONTROL System is something different and entirely new. It confuses people when I tell them I don’t do therapy and rarely put anyone in a trance. Well, occasionally I may make a friend believe her name is Ermintrude and she has six fingers on the hand that's currently stuck to her face; this can be excellent fun at parties, but it’s not what I’m offering to clients!
I feel that I need to clarify this a bit.
The list of possible issues on my homepage is actually just a handful of things CONTROL can help with. What I deal with is not necessarily what the client thinks it is. You may, for example, come to me for weight loss. You’ll tell me that you can’t stick to a diet, or that as soon as you stop dieting you gain back all that weight and more. You just want willpower! The thing is, I’m not going to give you willpower. That’s not going to help at all, because it comes from the conscious mind. Your subconscious mind wants to eat cake, and in this kind of battle the subconscious is always going to win.
So why do you overeat?
It makes you feel better: a quick fix. Why do you need a quick fix? Habit? Low self-esteem? Maybe as a child you were told you were fat, or stupid. Maybe you were bullied at school. In my case this had a lot to do with it: I was the fat kid, and the more I was told I was fat the more sweets I needed to make myself feel better. An endless self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe you came from a home where the cupboards were often bare. Whatever the reason, at some point your subconscious mind learned that eating made you feel better, so whenever you feel sad you go straight for the cake. After you've eaten it, you feel disgusted with yourself. You didn't even enjoy it that much. You promise yourself you'll start your diet tomorrow, but now you feel sad again so you're already craving another snack.
It’s not about your weight, it’s about emotional eating. I’m not interested in helping you stick to a rigid diet; once the connection between food and comfort is broken, you’ll have a healthy relationship with food and lose the self-loathing that came with every binge. Your weight will start to normalise, you'll no longer be obsessed with clothing size and numbers on the scales, and when you do have a piece of cake it’ll be a real treat.
So weight control is one presenting issue, but this can also apply to smoking, alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, nail biting, OCD, skin picking, hair pulling and self harm. There’s a part of the subconscious that’s just trying to make you feel better, and it learned at some point that the behaviour pattern you’re trying to change would do that. It doesn’t realise that it’s actually making your life worse.
My job is to help your subconscious understand this, and persuade it to change.
Fears and phobias are another example. You were bitten by a dog when you were 12, and now you have a dog phobia. Your subconscious is trying to keep you safe by avoiding ALL dogs, forever. Not a helpful strategy.
Same goes for social anxiety; one embarrassing situation can end up as a need to avoid all social interactions. Now you’re also lonely, and you comfort yourself with food, drugs, gaming or any number of other things.
Agoraphobia: something traumatic happened when you were out of the house, so the subconscious protects you by making sure you never leave the house ever again.
Stammering: as a child you said something and were mocked and humiliated, or you had a secret you were terrified to let slip. Subconscious solution? Don't speak.
These "solutions" sound extreme but are actually quite common, and the good news is that they're not as hard to change as you might imagine.
What this comes down to is that it may look like a lot of different issues, but I really only deal with one thing. Your subconscious mind is creating a pattern of thought or behaviour that’s out of date, unhelpful and causing you distress. In the consultation I will ask you to describe the pattern you have now, and the pattern you want instead:
A) I am terrified of dogs
B) I am comfortable around dogs
A) I lie awake worrying all night
B) I am able to switch off at bedtime and sleep well
A) I feel anxious and embarrassed in social situations
B) I am relaxed and confident in social situations
Whatever you’re struggling with, my job is simply to get you from A to B.